Wednesday, June 27, 2007

G went to my head through a hole in my heart

G came to my house party all interesting and talented and stuff. James Dean Poindexter with a sexy leather satchel and a corduroy jacket with elbow patches.

G has nice full lips, dark unkempt hair, sweet decent eyes, a sketchbook and a strong desire.

G dances like a white boy, like a drunk white boy, like a cute-indie-poet-artist-confused-dorky-cocksure-cool-as-hell white boy, and he owns it!

G stumbles during our Soul Train dancing, a group of drunkers in a circle-jerk-dance-off. I pull out my best Tony Manero moves and pummel the competition with my pelvis action.

“G” I say, “why don’t you retire, sleep, that is, in my bed.” An innocent proposal, Honest injun. With all good intentions connected I keep on shakin’ my groove thang.

G is in my bed as I zombie stagger into my room. Forgetting it was my suggestion he stay there, remembering what its like to vibrate all over.

Gee, can’t remember much of the rest of that night, a haze of tears mixed with clumsy drunken fumblings.

G is as sweet and decent as his eyes said he would be. My battered heart aches for a little tenderness, which he so politely-undeservedly-undertakes.

G leaves the next morning without saying goodbye, don’t blame him I would have high tailed it as well.

G tends to avoid me now

Too bad, I really like G.

Monday, June 25, 2007

yours for the asking

Atom upon atom
is what I have to offer
little else
except devotion

My heart built from ashes
of broken hearts before
hangs gingerly
on cinders

so easy to destroy
much harder to
keep together

Public personal pronouncement

My head
My feet
My face
My legs
My neck
My fingers
My hands
My arms
My back
My chest
My cock

Please me

I find pleasure in my body.
It serves me well,
in spite of myself.

A sensitive boy

I don’t feel real
a mind in limbo
floating between
life and art and
life and art and
art and life.

Am I real?
Am I really real?
Am I…Am I…

I remember once
seeing a man walking down the street
talking to his own self
Mommy warned me
to be careful…He’s crazy.

I pitied him and made myself repulsed
I’m repulsed
I’m repulsive

shitting myself
pissing myself
pityingly allowing
this self limbo.

I work for real
even when I’m not so real
I work just enough to pass for real
I’m strong enough too
too cowardly not too.

I will laugh with you
at me walking down the street
talking to my own self.

Its repulsive and unrealistic
isn’t it?
Who does that?
Be careful…I’m crazy!

Last time I tortured myself

As we lay in mid afternoon exhaustion
He watched as I gently stole a kiss…several actually
A sneak attack of elephantine stealth
He smiled with guilty tears in his big eyes
aware of his lies and broke promise

I wish we had never met, not at that exact moment
At that exact moment I wish we’d never part
I wish he was strong enough to stay
I wish the tears were for stubbed toes
than broke heart

Friday, June 22, 2007

On my walk home from the corner store

I saw a man crushed.
Crushed, physically crushed,
between two cars.

How horrific to lose
your breath
holding on to hope.

On copious delusion

You there, in the darkness,
why don’t you love me?
…how sad for you.

My skin has turned to grey
as your unadmiring glance forget to look
at my undeclared declarations of genius.

Hey…you…boy…I remember
the first time I saw you.
I was 13, you didn’t know me,
you’re still 13.

I’m only afraid of my success-
everything else falls…

Lust induced

tender skinned necked yellow boy
your heavy lidded blue eyes
your blonde brown curving eyelashes
your small pink lips dotting and kissing
your smooth fresh face
arrests me.

Your gold freckled sniffing nose tickles my inside
your bedded blonde hair tousles my touch.

Newly washed flaxen tresses prick near your red ear
small thick dry hands rub unsurely together-
between your boy thighs.
Crooked knees angle rightly
and black back pack grip between your certain feet..

You make your way surely through the day
unaware of your reactive presence golden voyager.
Time checked-noted-remembered!

Delicate lightly furrowed brow catches my eyes balling-
and your pucker tightens in my admiring sideways stare.
Eyes quick and blue avert with small tense muscles
head minutely ducking-swirling headlight stare-
breathing in breathing out smally.

Now your sideways search finds my stare,
unsure pull of a smile met by knowing grin-
in an innocent-in a guilty-rapport.

My ingenuous-illicit-illegal
Tender stranger

Papasito Chulo You’re My Fantasy

I fantasize about you Papa.
I fantasize about your beautiful face Papa.
I fantasize about your lovely body Papa.
I fantasize about you Papa.

I fantasize about kissing your lips with deep throated smoothness
hard and soft
quick heavy breaths
blind tonguing of your tongue
grabbing your neck pushing our faces together in intimate ferocity.

I fantasize about biting your neck in slippery love scrape
pinching tender soft skin between my teeth
as your head, your eyes, your vibrations roll back-deep exhale
you find my lips, my face, my neck-impatient inhale

I fantasize about teething your nipples teasingly teething
tonguing down your pale body in the darkness
savouring your armpit funk
smelling the delicate skin of your inside arm
feeling your guiding goosebumps kissing my way down your frame

I fantasize about holding your body tight
we lengthen and contract our backs our arms our legs.
Reaching around to spread your ass cheeks as I kiss you,
kiss your lips, kiss your chest, kiss your stomach.

I fantasize about spreading your legs licking your inner thigh
brushing against your hard expecting cock
not touching it
teasingly tracing it with my cheek.

Papa, I want to kiss you.
Kiss your balls, put them in my mouth and pull away
watch them spring back in slow motion.
Put my face in your soft sack suffocating for an eternal moment
grab your fleshy nuts and squeeze tightly
watch You arch your back in pleasured pain.
Preview of your cum face.

Papa, I want to stroke your veiny cock
hard strong straight stiff cock.
Lick your plump pulsing purple rose petal head
lap the dew drops from your dick slit
feel the ridge of your crown bump against the inside of my top lip.
Stroke your cock hard-then slide it slow
in my hand, in my mouth, in my throat.

Papa, I want your hand on the back of my neck
shove my nose into your prickly clipped pubes.
Gag me on your hefty cock for an instant
moan with pleasure at my delectable discomfort

Papa, I want to put your knees to your chest
spread your ass in cushy anticipation
want to rim your butthole
feel my chin against the curving crevice of your ass.
Thumbingly stretching your pucker
My licking flicking tongue moistly kissed by your supple muscle.

I want to devour you inside out
I want to smell my spit on your ass
I want to fuck you
I want to kiss you
To stick my dick inside you
To have you under me
To have you beside me
To have you on top of me
To hold you tight to me as I fuck you
To have you writhe on me as I fuck you
To pump your cock as I fuck you
To kiss you as I fuck you
To feel your ring tighten on my cock
To force it hard past your tightness
To feel your moment of ecstatic weakness
To have you come on me as I come in you
Complete connectivity.

Time stops, time stops, stops, stops, stops

I fantasize about you lying on top of me chest to chest
sticky connection, innocent smooth kisses.

I fantasize about you Papa.

-Diego February 21, 2007

Session Co-dependant is a fuck

I’m not supposed to languish my life
I’m not supposed to

I’m not supposed to think about you
I’m not supposed to

about your face
your lovely face
about your eyes
your hazel eyes that would smile at me with that boyish smile on a mischief face with a huge forehead crowning a huger head on a thin neck
craning down heavily flat on my chest your sticking ears suctioning my heartbeat
“It goes pa pump-pa pump-pa pump, Papa.”
You say grinning up at me looking accomplished at your sweetly obvious observation

I’m not supposed to want you
I’m not supposed to

Want your body
your lovely body
Your pale slim body-stick frame with a sexy pooch for a belly “my baby” I name it
Your soft pudging curve with the big belly button mole that freaked my love
Your long limbs meeting a thin torso leading to a straight strong cock with fleshy balls and a lovely mound sloping into your pink pucker hidden by high round ass that globe onto your thick thighs
Wanting to be -between them-on top of them-beside them
Entangled inside your body

I’m not supposed to remember you
I’m not supposed to

Remember your laugh
your lovely laugh
which would sneak tip toe air-air-air out nostril or explode blast-hard from mouth
Your tilted silent light-bulb discoveries and bright wide-eyed eye-to-eye, I understand response
Your snore that kept me awake while you were away, and rocked me to sleep in our bed at first rumble
Your head and heavy hand caressing my chest and your hair pricking at my chin
My chin that you would raise with your long hand when you would see a blue moment

I’m not supposed to miss you
I’m not supposed to

miss your company
your lovely company
How you allowed me my frustratingly frustrating sulks
How your voice filled me up
How you-you-you filled me up
How you made the silliest associations and told me with little dance to accompany
How you couldn’t be the bad guy and I had to send back the dish chef got wrong
How I enjoyed sending back that dish chef got wrong
How we used to throw things out third floor window in drunken Dallas revelry watching it smash on road laughing at stupid drivers piercing their tires on broken beer bottles-full length mirrors-metal trashcans while singing into our plastic blow up toy microphones loudly like virgins.
How I miss your company my lovely friend

Some suppose I can be just a friend
Some suppose I can
Some suppose

I’m supposed to focus on what I hate about you
I’m supposed to focus on what

I hated your selfish tendencies, “No, I really love to clean house after a 10 hour shift at the local grocery store.”
- you worked on that

I hated your after-thoughtfulness, “Is it too much to pile on an extra eggroll on your buffet plate? You know how I love dem eggrolls.”
- you fixed that

Ah hate!

I hate that you left me for no good reason
I hate that you left me
I hate that you left
I hate that you
left me
You left

You left…I’m supposed to realize that!

supposed to realize that…
supposed to
I’m great on my own not a half of us
and you’re awful for leaving me twisted and confused
and moving on without me

I AM great on my own, not a half of us
and you ARE awful for leaving me twisted and confused
and moving on without me!